“Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML”
“Today, my boss passed me in the hall at work and asked me “Do you have a sec?”. I was trying to be flippant and replied “I have tons of secs”. We both pretended I didn’t say that.” — MLIA
Carmine Bee-eaters (via Michael Poliza)